Written By Kobina Ansah - I have observed an error under the Sun; a repeated error. It is an error to think dating is marriage and mistake a boyfriend for a husband. It indeed is an error to overstep the boundaries of a mere relationship and throw yourself around as though you are a wedded wife!
Rings are cheap. No wonder some of us fetch them by the roadside and wear them without any ceremony. It is such an irony how many young unmarried women are in haste to wear a ring while many married women are in haste to remove theirs.
Many young ladies today wonder why they have been in a relationship with the same person for ages. The dude keeps on saying, “I am yet to find that thing inside you” and they keep asking, “Are you looking for crude oil inside me!?”
Listen. Fact is, if a man is already getting everything he may ever want and need from a woman (for free of course), nothing ever urges him to spend money to walk her down the aisle. After all, who would want to ever buy a car if he’s promised a lift daily all of his life? We all want free things and men are no exception. Freebies are pleasurable to enjoy. And… that is when every young woman should draw the line of what should be given and what shouldn’t be. Truth is, your boyfriend is not your husband!
You don’t move into his home, stay with him and do everything a wife does… and expect him to ‘waste’ money to wed you. Well… a few would. But… a chunk won’t. Little wonder we have so many of our parents and even grandparents who we later got to know were and are still only fiancées. They never got married yet stayed together till death did them apart only for the ugly truth of “she wasn’t your wife!” to come hitting someone in the face. Don’t repeat the errors of the past.
Marriage is an honor. It honors the man and woman. It is not only a sign of respect they have for each other but for their parents as well. It confers on each other an honorable title; husband and wife. It’s the only school we are awarded certificates before we even start. And… with every title comes a responsibility. Until that gentleman walks you down the aisle, the uncomfortable truth is… whatever you do for him is voluntary; not a responsibility. He is not accountable for whatever may sprout out of your benevolent act… especially when warming his bed.
Well… it’s such a heavenly feeling to be in love and to be loved back. You can travel the moon and back to just make them happy. You are willing to do anything to see them happy. Note, however, that there’s a caution. There’s a boundary as to how far you can go especially now that you are only a girlfriend. As much as our hearts race at the sound of their names, our minds should not stop working. It should sink deep into our minds that a boyfriend is NOT a husband… and a girlfriend is NOT a wife either!
I have seen some young ladies overly fawn over their boyfriends. All their thoughts are preoccupied with them. To them, they can’t live without him, thus, spend a chunk of their day thinking about them. They would fuss, “Husbee. Can I come cook for you!? Can I come wash for you!? Can I come walk for you!?” Chai!
After just a year or two of dating, she’s already calling him “Husbee!” She’s already according him all the honor that comes with marriage. Sister, hold it. He is not yet one. You are not yet married. Stop calling him a name he has not earned yet.
You can help him with some chores but it shouldn’t become your habitual duty. Am I alluding that you should not respect him? Not at all. A woman who knows no honor and respect is not ready to be married. All I am saying is know that limit you are not supposed to exceed. Know your place as only a potential wife… and not a wife!
There’s such a huge difference between a potential wife and a wife. The former buys a ring for herself. The latter gets a ring bought for her!
Don’t force your way into a man’s heart. You may get yourself injured. If you are indeed worth marrying, you don’t need to bid for it by slaving for him. You don’t go flaunting him everywhere when he hasn’t even asked how much a dowry may cost. You don’t go washing and ironing for him each weekend when he has no idea where you even live. Don’t ever force yourself to be a wife. Imagine if you’ve been washing for all your exes. Chief laundress. Ayekoo!
Men chase after value. If you indeed are valuable, he won’t give you conditions for marriage. If he sees the gold inside of you, he won’t date you for a decade. He would show respect to you and your family by walking you down the aisle. You are expensive. Don’t underestimate your value.
Dating is not marriage. Mind you, it’s only a relationship and may or may not end up in marriage. Reserve certain ‘details’ for the marriage. Don’t be in haste to warm his bed only for him to tell you, “Whoever will marry you is so lucky.” Don’t be in haste to be a wife before you actually become a wife. Your boyfriend is not yet your husband.
Husband is a title… not a nickname. Don’t give it one to one who has not earned it. Give it to whom it is due. Enough said.
The writer is a playwright and the Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications, a writing company in Accra. (www.scribecommltd.com). His upcoming play, #MyWifeInLaw, is on September 24.
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